Murder Ballad Breakdown
Looking Back Now- Maggie Rose
Today’s Murder Ballad is another classic tale of infidelity turning into murder. It’s also a song about regret, when the narrator is like oh, shit I messed up my own life trying to get revenge on this dumb guy. Let’s break down the 2013 song Looking Back Now by Maggie Rose
Verse 1
He smelled like gin with a hint of her
Up till then I wasn't sure
But he swaggered by
And said "The boys said to tell you hey"
And I was kicked back in his easy chair
Holding a fifth, tapping the barrel
Of a fresh cleaned steel-blue polished-up .38
And I was kind of hoping he'd at least look scared
But all he said was, "Okay, she was good and you don't dare"
This song just immediately opens up with some drama, and I love that. The narrator has just been waiting at home for her man to get back, drinking alone, and getting more pissed off by the minute. She just knows he’s not been out with the boys, so she’s sitting there drinking whiskey, with a gun in her hand, probably not a good mix. She hopes she’s a little intimidating when he walks in, but he’s just like ha, yea, you were right and blows her off. The guy is already coming off like a dick, and this feels like one of those “good for her” meme moments when she finally does something about it.
Chorus
Looking back now, I probably should've let him run
Paybacks are hell where I come from
And any fool should know
You don't look a woman in the eye and smile
When she knows what you've done
And she's holding whiskey and a gun
Regret. Oops, probably shouldn’t have killed him, but like he should have done better, this reads like “why do you make me be mean to you?!” It’s definitely his own fault she shot him
Verse 2
Well, the sun shines gray in the prison yard
Life to go was going hard
When the warden started getting sweet on me
And he drugged me to his room one night
And poured me some 'skey, gave me a light
And I smoked slow and waited till he was done
And I thought that was that till he got rough and I fought back
And when I grabbed his pistol, he laughed and said
"Girl, you ain't got the guts"
He was a cheating asshole, but murder is still frowned upon, so our narrator finds herself in prison. Prison sucks, but she made the best of it by being friendly with the Warden, and one night he gets a little too friendly, so in self defense she shoots him with his own gun. This Warden gives me the ick, it’s never directly said but it feels like he’s the kind of guy that takes advantage of helpless women because he’s in a position of power. Again, kind of feels like “good for her” when she takes matters into her own hands and puts a stop to him.
Chorus
Looking back now, I probably should've let him run
Paybacks are hell where I come from
And any fool should know
You don't look a woman in the eye and smile
When she knows what you've done
And she's holding whiskey and a gun
Whiskey and a gun
Same regretful chorus. Still the same feelings of “Yep, I kinda fucked up, but HE should have known better than to mess with me like that.
Verse 3
They're strapping me down and I'm scared to die
Now I ain't the kind of girl to cry
But I find myself begging God for mercy
My hands are cold as I start to slip
Sodium theopentol drips
The room goes black and I wonder if He heard me
The narrator finds herself paying the ultimate price with a death sentence, even though he was awful, killing a Warden is not going to get you very far. You were already serving a life sentence for shooting one man, now you’ve shot a Warden, this song ending with lethal injection is not a surprise. The narrator is full of fear and regret at this point, but I don’t think the regret is that she killed them, I think the regret is the consequences for killing them. She’s paying with her own life now.
Chorus
Looking back now I probably should've let 'em run
I bet paybacks are hell there where I'm goin'
But any fool should know
You don't look a woman in the eye and smile
When she knows what you've done
And she's holdin' whiskey and a gun
Whiskey and a gun
Whiskey and a gun
Whiskey and a gun
The song ends on the same chorus, and during this outro I have the thoughts of, you could have just not killed the first one; just leave his cheating ass, but no you needed instant revenge. If you had never shot him, you never would have ended up in prison, you never would have been assaulted by the Warden, then you never would have shot the Warden, never landing yourself the death penalty. This song is just truly a tragic chain of events.